


Until Tomorrow

by renjunsfairydust



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Coming of Age, Fluff, He has a motorcycle, Implied Sexual Content, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, Making Out, carnival worker jeno, pierced jeno, renjun is bored with his life, ridin' came out and then this fic was born, sunsets and beaches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:28:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24095857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/renjunsfairydust/pseuds/renjunsfairydust
Summary: Renjun spends a week in spring with the boy from the carnival that passes through his town. He seeks adventure and he finds it in Lee Jeno.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno
Comments: 43
Kudos: 285





	Until Tomorrow

Renjun peered down at the waves lapping gently at his feet. 

There weren’t many people at the beach today, there never were outside of summertime. Most just passed through in the high season, families, and tourists exploring the lanes that wound round the countryside. Spring had just begun, and it warmed the air that fanned against his cheeks, ruffling through his hair. He knew as summer grew nearer these people would begin to fill the streets with noise and chaos, not that this was particularly exciting for him. It just meant everything was a little busier than usual, that he had more to do in the store than stare at the walls all day. They wouldn’t stay for long though, no one ever did, and eventually everything would be still again, static. He’d been stuck here since the day he was born, watched nineteen years pass by with little to show, except average grades and a part time job scanning groceries at the store on the corner of his street. 

“Renjun come on, we’ve stopped for long enough, we’re almost there now”, Sooyoung’s voice interrupted his thoughts. 

He glanced at the sneakers dangling from his fingers and sighed, placing them down and shaking one foot as he lifted it out of the water. 

“Come on”, Sooyoung shouted louder. “I don’t know why you insisted on going in the water anyway.” 

Renjun didn’t know either and was now regretting his decision as he stuffed his socks into his pocket and thrust a wet foot into his shoe hastily, grimacing at the unpleasant feeling. His cousin was already a few steps in front of him, but she had turned now, her face sparkling with excitement. The impatient gleam in her eyes became apparent as she beckoned him away from the shoreline, chestnut hair falling into her face as the wind blew it. 

“I’m coming”, he mumbled, digging his heels into the softness of the sand as he sprinted to catch up, breathing in the salty air around him. 

Agreeing to take the sixteen-year-old to the carnival hadn’t exactly been Renjun’s smartest idea, he thought, as he ran towards her, but when she’d practically begged him, he could hardly say no. Her face had lit up as she told him about the trailers and the vans she’d seen pulling up into the field near the beach. He’d frowned at the poster Sooyoung had thrown into his hands when she’d appeared on the doorstep, bright colours and garish fonts dancing off the paper. He couldn’t blame her though, it was probably the reason it was so empty here today, anybody stuck in this place was probably caught up in the lights of the carnival, it gave them something to do, something superficial to distract them from the drab of this sleepy town. Something more than just sea air and provincial life. 

“What’s so great about a carnival anyway?”, he groaned, following her to the pathway that ran through town. 

“ _Renjun_ ”, Sooyoung huffed disapprovingly. Her voice was sweet and soft but laced with hints of irritation. “It might actually be fun. It is the only interesting thing that’s happened here since last summer.” 

Renjun tried to think of something that had occurred here, like the time he’d served someone and they’d tried to steal cigarettes from behind the counter, or the times he’d walk to the end of the pier by himself in the late evenings to watch the last glow of the sun set behind the clouds. He decided ultimately though, that these instances were all rather mundane, all so small-town, and unimportant. 

“I guess you’re right”, he replied and Sooyoung lifted her chin triumphantly. 

Renjun knew he was not extraordinary. Nothing about his life so far had been special, he didn’t know exactly what he wanted to do with it, only that he’d taken a year out now to make that choice. In a recent act of rebellion, in his eyes, he’d bleached his hair. It was on one of the days this year he’d felt his life to be particularly dull, with a home dye kit he’d picked up at the store. It hadn’t helped much, and his dark roots were already growing out. He pushed the blond strands out of his eyes as he followed his cousin. 

The two of them passed a few more side streets along the wide road, until it narrowed, and the area became more wooded as the streaks of afternoon daylight were masked by the blanket of trees and branches above their heads. He heard the noise of people and the blaring of music before he saw any of it, squinting as the entrance to the carnival became visible through a clearing in the woods. 

“There it is!”, Sooyoung exclaimed, grabbing Renjun’s arm before he had a chance to respond to her and pulling them through a gate. 

It was like another world, one that separated him from what he knew, everything that was familiar. The carnival, with its vivid colour, the noise, and the bustle, was something different entirely. On the left, stalls with pink cotton candy in bags hanging loosely from a striped canopy, the Ferris wheel turning slowly in the distance. An onslaught of clashing music from the rides around him, overlaid with the sound of screaming as the aroma of grease and oil struck his senses, awed him. Even the people were different, dressed colourfully as they spoke to passing customers. They weren’t like the people around here, the aura of adventure and the flare in their stance, to Renjun it was very obvious that they didn’t belong in the stillness of their town. _They didn’t_. They were just passing through, like everyone else did. They’d be gone by next week, off to the next run-down seaside town. 

Once inside, Sooyoung pulled him from ride to ride, and Renjun paid for them both each time. By the fourth, he’d decided that he was definitely too old for this. Sooyoung seemed to be enjoying herself though and so he was content with whatever they were doing as long as his cousin was happy. 

Just as Renjun was reaching the peak of his boredom, Sooyoung dragged him towards a ride he’d never seen before . The platform was red all over, circular carriages laced with golden edges, spinning. The words ‘Wonderland Waltzers’ were inscribed in bright lights on the sign above the entrance and Renjun’s attention was drawn to it immediately. Again though, he didn’t have time to ponder any of his thoughts as Sooyoung was pulling him. 

“Quick, there’s one free over here.” She gestured to an empty carriage on the other side of the ride and ran towards it, climbing in and beckoning Renjun over. He slid onto the worn leather seat reluctantly, feeling apprehensive. His frown transformed into a cautious stare though when a male that looked similar in age to him appeared next to them. He smiled as he leant over, soft blue hair out of place, but somehow fitting flawlessly against the black leather of his jacket. 

“Two please”, Renjun rushed and rummaged inside his jeans pocket before handing his money over and leaning back onto the seat. 

“Thanks”, the man grinned. He straightened his back before he swerved in another direction and spoke again. “Jeno”, he called over to a figure that faced away. Renjun’s attention was drawn there. “Can you do the safety bars?” 

The figure, Jeno, turned then. “One second Jaemin”, he said as he came bounding towards them. Renjun’s stomach lurched as he got closer, and suddenly he felt all too self-conscious in the baggy sweater he’d thrown on carelessly that morning. He pulled the sleeves tighter across his wrists, burying them in his lap as if that would hide him from view. 

Jeno was handsome, not just handsome, he wasn’t like anybody Renjun had ever seen here before. He too appeared similar in age, but his face was hardened by something Renjun couldn’t place, whether it was wisdom or something else, he looked like he’d seen the world that Renjun hadn’t. By contrast, his eyes were soft beneath dark lashes as they cut through the bustle to meet Jaemin before trailing down briefly to Renjun. The contact sent a jolt of wild energy surging through him, the wave hitting his stomach and erupting into flutters. Jeno was dressed unusually, but by the time he was standing above the carriage, Renjun decided it suited him perfectly; black skinny jeans, ripped at the knees to expose the tanned skin beneath the torn fabric, silver chain skimming his slim hips, a red satin jacket that grazed his waistline, Renjun catching a glimpse of his shoulder as it slipped to reveal a loose black vest underneath. His face was adorned beautifully, brown hair moving away as he flicked it out of his eyes to reveal the piercing on his left eyebrow and the line of studs worn on both of his ears. There was a small black cross just below his right eye. Renjun wasn’t sure whether it was drawn on, or something more permanent, but either way, the combination of everything was stunning. 

Jeno smiled at Renjun before speaking. 

“Arms up”, he said shortly and waited for Renjun to comply. 

When the smaller didn’t, too distracted in his daydream about the stranger, Sooyoung nudged him in the ribs lightly. Renjun crashed back into reality, jumping as he moved his arms away from the lowering bar. He heard Jeno chuckle and slam the bar down across both their laps. Then he was gone, onto the next carriage. Renjun vaguely registered the sound of Sooyoung shrieking but he was too caught up trying to catch more glimpses of him, trying to view the details in his face before he knew Jeno would be gone. 

“Stop staring”, Sooyoung hissed quietly, but she could hardly stifle her laughter. 

“I’m not”, Renjun protested, still glancing discreetly, watching as Jeno grinned at the group of girls in the next carriage, their exaggerated laughter grating on his ears. He couldn’t hear what was being said, it didn’t matter anyway, his heart still sunk. He pouted, amused by the idea that anyone like that would ever be interested in someone like him, that he had even considered that he might be special. He placed his hands on the railing, then Jeno turned back for a split second, but it was enough to catch Renjun’s eye as he disappeared into the booth where the controls were. 

Renjun had never been good with rides that spun, and this one was no exception. After Jeno pressed a few of the buttons lazily, the ride began to twist, faster and faster as Jaemin spun the carriages as they flew past him. The world blurred, became chaos in those moments while all he could focus on were his hands that gripped the railings and his back being pushed into the seat as Sooyoung was flung against him. 

They stopped spinning briefly. 

Jeno was lifting a bottle of water to his mouth, tilting his head back as he took a gulp, and then wiped his lips with the back of his hand. 

Sooyoung screamed as Jaemin spun them. Jeno was gone from his view. 

He looked down at his hands. 

Then back up, but all he saw the was the blurring of the green with the glare of the lights from the carnival. As they got faster, the colours fused into one and he couldn’t see Jeno anymore, only focusing on the dizzying feeling inside his head. 

“ _Hold tight._ ” 

He registered the sound of one of their voices, Jaemin’s, as it boomed across the stand and Jeno increased the speed. He was trying, but the faster they went, the dizzier he felt. 

As the ride slowed, a flood of relief washed over him. It stopped gradually and the world came back into focus. Jeno jumped up onto the boards in one leap and started lifting the bars up. They were freed from the restraints of the metal and he held a hand out to Sooyoung as she clambered out of the seat and glanced over her shoulder as though searching for someone. Jeno leant over to Renjun, smiling as he offered out his hand. Renjun pushed himself up shakily and climbed out himself, ignoring the offer. The other smirked but was silent as Renjun looked up into his eyes. Sooyoung was running off in another direction though, Renjun glancing sheepishly at Jeno before sprinting off after her. He still felt dizzy, the sickness raging through him as he was left to decide whether it was because of the ride or the man controlling it. 

“Wait for me”, he called as Sooyoung ran further ahead, his mind still with the scene at the waltzers. 

Sooyoung stopped and sighed deeply. “Isn’t it great Renjun? Tell me you’re enjoying it at least a little bit?”, she pouted. 

“I don’t hate it”, Renjun said bluntly but couldn’t help the smile that crept onto his face. 

As the evening set in, he knew their curfew was drawing closer, that his aunt had told him Sooyoung needed to be home before sunset. Sooyoung had been reluctant to leave, as was he, but she’d caved in when she noticed the darkness that was creeping up on the sky. They walked through the thinning crowds back towards the gates. When they passed Jeno’s ride, Renjun couldn’t help but peer behind him. 

He inhaled sharply. 

The man stood casually, reclined against the side of the control booth. One of his silver earrings caught the artificial light of the sign that was lit up in yellow, and it shimmered under the evening glow. They locked gazes before Jeno tore his away, turning back to say something to Jaemin. 

Renjun blinked and continued treading behind Sooyoung through the golden gates that led him away from the mystery boy at the carnival. 

Still, he couldn’t help the thoughts of Jeno from sneaking back into his mind as he trekked the familiar paths that led him home. 

\--

On the first day of the carnival, Jeno had spoken to Renjun, on the second, Renjun spoke back to him. 

He’d been sprawled out across his bed the next morning, feet resting on the wall with his head thrown back against the mattress, nothing better to do than try to push _Jeno_ out of his mind, when he’d decided it didn’t matter. That he wanted to return to the carnival for a consecutive day, if only just to give him something to do. 

He could tell Sooyoung had been surprised when he’d been the one to turn up on the doorstep of her house after his morning shift at the store to ask her to join him. She hadn’t questioned it much at the time, nodding enthusiastically and making him wait forty minutes, perched on the couch, while she changed. She had emerged with an outfit that seemed a little over the top and Renjun noticed the sparkly eyeliner around her eyes as she threw on her shoes as fast as she could. 

It seemed to strike her now, as they stood at the gates, that she should question his motive. 

“I cant believe you wanted to come again, when did you get so exciting Renjun?”, she asked suspiciously, the short blue dress she wore billowing in the spring air. 

“I don’t have any shifts for the rest of the day, I’ve got nothing better to do”, he retaliated. “Plus, we didn’t go on everything yesterday.” 

He’d already spent the duration of the journey here, silently attempting to convince himself the reason had absolutely nothing to do with the guy that ran the waltzers, none at all, but he came into view and Renjun caught a glimpse of the red satin jacket, and those dark eyes. Jaemin and Jeno were manning the ride, Jaemin waving at the pair when he recognised them. Sooyoung stopped as she looked at him. 

“Renjun, act natural”, she murmured in a hushed voice, straightening her dress, and continuing to walk forwards. 

“I’m not doing anything”, Renjun protested but Sooyoung ignored his comment. 

“We’re going there first”, she stated as she pointed to the waltzers. 

“I thought we were going to the ones we hadn’t been on –“ 

“He’s so gorgeous”, she continued, eyes fixed on Jaemin, now stood with his back to them. 

“Uh huh”, Renjun replied dismissively, still caught up on Jeno, who glanced at him, before turning to speak to Jaemin. 

As they drew closer, Renjun could feel his stomach littered with the familiar sensation of fluttering that he tried to will away desperately as it overwhelmed him. 

“Hi”, Sooyoung said to both of them as she sauntered up the steps with feigned confidence, Renjun following quietly behind her. The ride was pretty empty, there were a few other people milling around it but significantly less than there had been yesterday. 

“Hey”, Jaemin offered as he stepped aside for her to walk towards one of the carriages, Sooyoung climbing in and handing him the money. 

“Nice dress, same colour as my hair”, Jaemin commented, gesturing to the strands of blue. 

Sooyoung could only giggle in response and Renjun tutted quietly under his breath as Jaemin moved on. 

“Back again, Blondie?” 

Renjun’s head shot up sharply. 

Jeno was looking at him expectantly, grin plastered across his face. “You must really like it here”, he continued as Renjun felt his cheeks sear with embarrassment. 

“Yeah.”, Renjun masked his fluster with an awkward grimace. “There’s not a lot to do around here.” 

He heard Jeno hum softly in response as he sat next to his cousin. “Nice to see you back”, he stated. “Arms up then.” 

Renjun lifted his arms, as did Sooyoung, Jeno securing the bar over their laps. 

“Enjoy the ride”, Jeno said, smiling broadly still as he left them. The ride started to spin soon after that , Renjun dazed and Sooyoung screaming cheerfully each time they spun faster, the sensation causing him to feel more ill. The music was loud again today, pounding, but not loud enough to drown out his thoughts of Jeno, not enough to stop him from catching the flashes of the red jacket whirl past him each time they completed a circular motion. 

Once it was over, Jaemin helped them out and then Sooyoung was leading Renjun around the rest of the rides and the stalls they hadn’t found yesterday. It was like twisting through a maze, something undiscovered at every corner. Eventually though, they’d grown hungry and Renjun had found the line for the hotdog stand, Sooyoung having been distracted by one of the stalls not far from there. He started to read the words on the menu board meticulously before _that_ voice interrupted him, the deep, gentle one he’d heard earlier. 

_Jeno._

“We just cant stop running into each other can we?”, Jeno said from behind him, startling Renjun. He jumped around quickly to face the other. “Hello again Blondie”, the man smirked. 

“Hello”, Renjun reciprocated nervously. 

Jeno’s face softened as he looked from Renjun to the empty space around him. “Where’s your-“ 

“Cousin”, Renjun blurted out quickly. 

“Oh”, Jeno replied in a low voice, seemingly shocked by the information. 

“She’s wandered off somewhere, I said I’d grab food for us both while I waited.” He looked around the chaos but couldn’t see her then. Renjun was dressed in a different baggy sweater today, but he’d replaced the loosely fitting jeans for skinny ones that showed off the curve of his legs. 

“I like your hair, it’s a nice touch”, Jeno said, resting his elbow against the counter of the food stall. 

“As I said before, there’s nothing else to do here”, Renjun laughed, finally starting to feel more at ease in Jeno’s presence. “My hair was the one thing I thought I could rebel with.” 

The person in front of them in the line moved away and the woman behind the counter focused on where he and Jeno stood. 

“How many can I get you?”, she asked cheerfully, Renjun opening his mouth to answer. 

“Three please”, Jeno cut in from behind Renjun, brushing past him gently as he took out a note stuffed inside the pocket of his jacket, holding it out towards her. As he did, his sleeve pulled back slightly and revealed the tattooed skin of his wrist. The black ink formed the shape of a tiny dragon, and renjun was fixated on it for the moments it was exposed, not noticing that Jeno was currently paying for all of their food. The woman took the money and Jeno’s wrist dropped, tattoo disappearing under his sleeve. He turned back to Renjun and smiled as if nothing had happened. 

“Why did you do that?”, Renjun began. 

“I just wanted to see that smile again.” 

Renjun let out a burst of laughter. He’d forgotten how good it felt to laugh. There hadn’t been much to laugh about here recently but facing Jeno now, he seemed to find an infinite amount of reasons to feel light. 

“Yeah, that one”, Jeno affirmed, pointing to the corner of Renjun’s mouth where the smile had originated. Renjun felt the blush deepen on his cheeks. 

“Thanks, I guess”, Renjun said, a silence falling between them as they observed each other. Renjun coughed. “What are you doing away from your ride anyway?” 

“I thought I’d grab something to eat in my break. Tiring work, running a ride at the carnival, you know?”, Jeno laughed. 

“Oh, yeah.” Renjun cringed at his own embarrassment. “Have you worked here long?”, he ventured finally. 

“My whole life practically, the business”, Jeno gestured around the site to the various trailers. “It’s my uncle’s. I’ve tagged along with him ever since I left school. I helped out in holidays before that but it’s sort of become a permanent thing now.” 

“Seems like it doesn’t do too badly”, Renjun motioned to the crowds of people around them. 

“It’s a good time of year for this sort of thing.” 

“Who’s that?”, Renjun maintained the conversation by gesturing across to the man with the light blue hair in the distance who was hopping between carriages on the waltzers. 

“Him?”, Jeno asked. “That’s Jaemin, he joined us two seasons ago. Everyone tells us we work well together, my uncle usually pairs us up for running the big rides”, Jeno gushed, a certain softness in the crease of his brow, just above where his piercing met the skin. 

“I can see that”, Renjun mumbled, thinking back to how the two interacted so smoothly with their customers, but Jeno didn’t hear him, the woman in the van reappearing clutching three hot dogs now, which she handed carefully to Jeno. He passed two of them to Renjun. 

“Thanks.” 

“Pleasure.” 

Renjun heard the shrill voice of his cousin and looked across to see her stood a few paces away. He looked at Jeno apologetically. “I’m sorry, I should go.” 

Jeno’s face dropped, but he regained his composure quickly, seamlessly, and Renjun was left wondering what had made him look that way, if only briefly. 

“I’ll see you around.” Jeno started off in the other direction, leaving Renjun grasping helplessly at the cardboard holder around the hotdogs in his hands. 

“What was that?”, Sooyoung said as she walked over to Renjun. 

“What?” 

“You were talking to the boy from that ride.” 

“Oh yeah”, Renjun murmured, in a trance as he watched Jeno’s figure slip further away. “I was.” 

He was sure that Jeno was just being friendly, or that he had somebody whose heart he played with in each town he passed through. Renjun was probably just one of those, but Jeno was dangerous in his purely bland life, the burst of carnival colour in his drab existence. He found himself craving the other’s company immediately after he had vanished. 

It was then that he gave up trying not to fill his thoughts with Jeno. 

\--

On day three, he went to the carnival alone. 

It wasn’t exactly like he’d wanted to go by himself, he’d tried to ask Sooyoung, but she was busy with school work that afternoon, and so Renjun had sighed, returned to his house, and decided that maybe going to the carnival alone wasn’t such a bad idea. Although, standing here now, a few feet away from the waltzers with Jeno yet to notice him as he served other customers, he thought it might not have been such a great plan. As the days passed, he had noticed how it had got quieter, he guessed people must have grown tired of it by now, like everything else in the town, its attraction had worn thin, all the mystery that pulled them into it. Yet Renjun had somehow still found himself back here, and as much as he hated to admit it, he knew the reason was in front of him right now. 

He ran a hand through his hair and sighed, working up the courage to walk to the ride. The sun was hotter today and Renjun had swapped the baggy sweater for a loose layered t-shirt and faded skinny jeans. 

“Are you coming on Blondie, or not?” 

Renjun heard Jeno and his head snapped up, seeing the other staring straight at him. 

“You’ve been standing there for ten minutes now”, Jeno grinned. 

Renjun frowned, _so he had seen him_. There were many ways that he could embarrass himself in front of Jeno and he seemed to be hitting all those possibilities each time the two of them interacted. 

“Uh…yeah”, Renjun said as he shuffled closer. 

“Where’s your cousin today then?” 

“She couldn’t come.” 

“You came here by yourself?” Jeno raised an eyebrow. 

Renjun shrugged. “Yeah.” 

He stepped up onto the wooden boarding, so he was level with Jeno, moving next to one of the carriages, Jaemin opposite near the control booth. 

Renjun noticed it then, the silver of the mirrors and the glint reflected from the sunlight, the black metal, and the smooth leather. He hadn’t seen it there before. The motorcycle was parked up next to the benches a few metres away, wheels dug into the muddy ground to steady it there. The rest of it was perfectly polished though, shiny with a glare that hurt Renjun’s eyes slightly as the light caught it. He wondered if it belonged to Jeno or Jaemin but when Jeno’s voice cut in, he decided against asking. 

“Here I was thinking you didn’t enjoy this ride”, Jeno chuckled, taking the money from Renjun. 

“I guess you thought wrong”, Renjun lied as he leant back in the seat. He raised his arms up and Jeno fixed the bar across his body. Jeno didn’t say anything, turning away to fix the next carriage. His hips moved elegantly below the hem of his jacket as he manoeuvred himself with ease between the gaps, beaming at Jaemin as the two crossed paths. 

Renjun felt the unpleasant sensation roll through him as the ride began to spin in all directions. Still, he searched for Jeno amongst the chaos, brought back into focus by the jolt that struck the metal as a heavy weight was cast upon it. He jumped but looked across at the figure gripping the side of the cart as it spun. Jeno leant in and gave Renjun the smile he had become attached to over the past couple of days. 

“What are you doing?”, Renjun shouted. 

“Working the ride”, Jeno replied calmly, the world around them still spinning as Renjun focused on the only thing that wasn’t blurry, Jeno’s face. 

“Is that safe?”, Renjun yelled back at him, hardly audible above the sound of the blaring music. 

“Of course.” Jeno lifted an arm off the metal frame, and waved it around. “Don’t you trust me?”, he tilted his head to the side, pouting innocently. 

“I don’t know you”, Renjun laughed and gripped the rail tighter, the carriage lurching. 

“What’s your name, Blondie?”, Jeno called over the noise, the wind throwing his hair across his forehead as they spun mercilessly again. 

“Huh?” 

“Your _name_?” 

Renjun studied Jeno’s face, the smile on it, the one that made his eyes scrunch up into little crescents and the definition in his cheekbones that shaped his jaw so exquisitely. The world blurred into one around them, but it didn’t matter to Renjun anyway, even if it hadn’t been, even if he could see the lights of the carnival or the green of the trees in the field, he’d still be focused on Jeno. He gasped for air. 

“Renjun”, he threw back finally. 

Jeno put his arm back on the frame, steadying himself. “I’m Jeno.” 

Renjun already knew this, of course, but didn’t say that aloud. He smiled at Jeno, and Jeno smiled back at him but then he winced slightly as the nausea overcame him. It was getting harder and harder to settle his stomach. He squeezed his eyes shut, hoping the feeling would be gone when he opened them again. The darkness distracted him from the world around him, but he still felt his body being thrown against the leather seat with renewed vigour as the carriage spun in the other direction. Opening his eyes, he expected to see Jeno, but there were no constants in his view, just the passing blur. 

Jeno was gone. 

As the ride ground to a halt, everything stopped spinning except Renjun’s head as he tried to search for Jeno. 

Then the man appeared, lifting the bar, and extending a hand out to help him. 

Renjun shook his head. If he was never going to see Jeno again, he was going to make the most of this time now. 

“You want to go again?” Jeno looked confused, his face contorting as he retracted his hand. 

Renjun nodded, fumbling inside his jeans pocket for more money and holding it out. 

“This one’s on me”, Jeno grinned, pushing Renjun’s hand away and pulling the bar gently back across as Renjun raised his arms up one more time. 

He groaned, knowing that any more spinning was not going to help the dizziness already pounding in his head, but he was addicted to Jeno. So much so, that when the ride started turning, it felt like the only thing he was fuelled by was the way Jeno had smiled at him minutes ago. When the ride stopped, Renjun felt his head spinning worse than ever, the sensations from the movement of the carriage still there when Jeno outstretched his hand to help him up. He took it this time, feeling slightly faint as his feet touched the boards. 

“You alright there?”, Jeno asked, the concern that laced his voice making Renjun’s heart ache as he nodded weakly. His legs gave way though and he crumpled, held up by Jeno catching his waist softly. He brought Renjun back into a standing position, their chests brushing lightly. “Maybe twice wasn’t such a good idea”, he continued. 

“Thanks.” 

“Do you need help?”, Jeno questioned. 

“I’m good thanks”, Renjun insisted, starting to stagger away but as the dizziness struck him again, his paces became uneasy. He heard footsteps behind him and then a hand on his arm. 

“Careful”, Jeno said. “Jaemin”, he heard him call and registered that he was moving, slowly, Jeno pulling him gently in another direction away from the ride. “Cover for me for a few minutes”, Jeno continued, Jaemin nodding and giving a brief thumbs up to him. Jeno turned back to Renjun. “I think you need to sit down.” 

Renjun was starting to regain his bearings, Jeno guiding them both in the direction of the control booth. He pushed on the metal door handle and it opened, Jeno gesturing for Renjun to step inside. 

“Sit there.” Jeno motioned to the single stool that was perched by an array of buttons and controls and Renjun complied, the dizziness starting to ease in his head already. The room was a little stuffy, the air dense as he breathed it in, but when he looked across at Jeno, he decided none of that mattered. 

“Thank you”, he said quickly. He peered at the buttons and then across to Jeno. “So, this is where everything happens?” 

“If by everything, you mean this is where I push the buttons that make the ride work, then yes.” 

Renjun laughed softly at the man’s bluntness, Jeno grinning before he leant on the wall and folded his arms, the red of his jacket a contrast to the stark white of the worn walls. 

“What does that one do?” Renjun pointed to the largest button in the centre of the controls. 

“Makes everything go.” 

“And that one?” Renjun’s fingers moved to another one, hovering above it. 

“That one’s for stop.” 

“Right”, Renjun nodded as Jeno brushed past him, squatting down, and opening the door of a fridge. He grabbed an unopened bottle of water from one of the shelves that was surrounded by cans of coke and beers and passed it to Renjun. 

“Here”, he said and Renjun took it, unscrewing the cap carefully and taking small sips. 

“Do you give all your customers special treatment like this?”, Renjun brought the plastic bottle to his lips cautiously. 

“No”, Jeno stated, shutting the fridge door, and returning to the spot against the wall. 

“That’s how you get your customers isn’t it? By charming them”, Renjun ventured. “ _Enticing_ them in”, he accentuated the words carefully as he made eye contact with Jeno. “I don’t even know why you’re bothering to talk to me.” 

“Because I like you.” 

Renjun scoffed, frowning at the other. 

“Anyway, if I remember correctly, that last ride I gave you was free of charge”, Jeno said with a smirk, clearly amused. Renjun went silent, not knowing how to answer the statement that was very obviously true. 

“Yeah”, he settled for eventually, placing the empty water bottle on the side. 

“You feeling any better?”, Jeno asked. 

“Yeah, thank you.” With that Renjun stood, still embarrassed from his dizzy spell. “I’ll get going now, thanks for the help, and the uh… water.” 

Jeno’s face expressed tenderness. “You’ll be alright getting home?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Take care then.” 

“Thanks.” 

They exchanged a small smile, Renjun’s a cautious one and Jeno’s fond. For a second, Renjun found himself caught up in the man’s eyes, by the pupils that were almost the same shade as his dark irises that shone with the warmth of affection. He snapped himself out of it. 

Renjun reached for the handle of the door and opened it. He heard Jeno shuffle slightly, as if he were going to stop him, but then the sound ceased. 

Stepping out into the coolness of the early evening, he squinted as his eyes adjusted to the neon surrounding him as he walked away. 

\--

On the fourth day of the carnival, Renjun stepped through those gates alone again, this time filled with an utter questioning of what exactly he was doing and why it involved seeing the boy who worked on the waltzers. If the past three days were anything to go by, Renjun knew that he was walking straight into his own embarrassment, if only he’d had a late shift at the store, he thought, maybe he wouldn’t be doing this, but he was, and Jeno was there. 

Today he was perched next to the motorcycle Renjun had seen yesterday, cloth in hand as he rubbed it across the fuel tank. He beamed when he looked up, seeing Renjun immediately and setting the dirty cloth down on the bench next to his arm. 

“I know you didn’t enjoy the ride yesterday”, Jeno started, leaning against the bench. “So…you must be here to see me.” 

Renjun felt the blood rising to his cheeks betray him, knowing that even in jest, Jeno was not wrong. He stepped closer, peering past Jeno to the motorcycle parked up in the grass. 

“Nice bike”, he blurted out quickly and he heard Jeno chuckle deeply. 

“Thanks.” Jeno pushed himself off the bench with the palms of his hands, treading languidly to the bike. He stroked the metal lightly, the red sleeve of his jacket gliding across the surface. “That’s most of my earnings from the last six months.” He nodded to the bike. 

“It’s immaculate, you must take good care of it”, Renjun replied. 

“It’s sort of a hobby, sometimes I just want to get away from this place for a couple of hours, clear my head, get some air”, Jeno spoke and then thought for a moment before directing the question to Renjun. “Where’s good to go around here?” 

“Nowhere.” 

“You aren’t really selling it to me”, he laughed again. “There must be some good coastline.” 

“The beach is nice I guess”, Renjun said bluntly, thinking back to the lazy summer days he’d spent sprawled out on the sand, watching the waves roll with the tide. Even they were stuck in a cycle like the rest of this town, repeating the same thing, never changing. 

“Well, I’m due a break now, fancy a ride?”, Jeno shrugged his shoulders as if it were nothing. 

“W-what?”, Renjun stuttered, his body reacting sharply, heart pounding and face flushing at the prospect of spending time with Jeno. He didn’t understand any of this. 

“On the bike”, Jeno nodded to the metal calmly. 

“Now?” 

“Only if you want to”, Jeno continued, his voice wavering slightly as it softened. 

“Okay.” 

Jeno stopped, staring straight at Renjun. 

“You said yes?” 

“Why wouldn’t I?” 

“I thought you might not be the type.” Jeno looked at his shoes awkwardly, then back up to Renjun through the hair that had flopped in his face. 

Renjun knew he wasn’t the type. He’d always been the quiet one at school, the one that people overlooked, forgot about, and he’d never done anything he thought interesting. Maybe that was why, with Jeno’s offer out in front of him, he hadn’t even considered the possibility of refusing. He wanted to be the _type_ , with the craving of adrenaline rushes and the highs of adventure. 

“I’m full of surprises”, he said plainly but paused. “I’ve never ridden before though.” 

“Don’t worry”, he heard Jeno’s cheerful voice. “It’s really easy if you hold on tight.” 

“To what?”, Renjun raised an eyebrow. 

“To me”, Jeno grinned. 

If Renjun thought his blush was bad before, it deepened, the images of being so intimate with the man he had met days ago flustering him yet sending a rush of excitement washing over him. 

“Jaemin”, Jeno called out and Renjun saw a head of blue hair whip round to face them both. “I’m taking my break now, I’ll be about an hour.” Jaemin acknowledged him with a small nod and then turned to the customers he was serving. Jeno swung to face Renjun. “I’ll be back.” 

Jeno set off across the field. He looked around, unsure of what to do with himself, Jeno’s bike to the left and the waltzers the other side. In the end he settled for sitting carefully on the bench by the motorcycle, waiting for Jeno to return as he tapped his feet lightly on the grass for the next few minutes. Then he saw Jaemin and the man caught his eye briefly, stopping to lean over the railing that separated the two of them. 

“You know he’s been talking about you since the day you first came here”, Jaemin grinned, nodding to the empty space in the field where Jeno had just been. 

“Has he?”, Renjun’s words were stammered, caught up in a frenzy of nerves. 

“Hasn’t stopped”, Jaemin teased but before he could continue Renjun saw Jeno again. He’d changed out of the signature red jacket, the satin replaced by black softened leather. In his hands he carried another jacket, along with two helmets. Renjun stood up, brushing his jeans with his hands as Jaemin gave him a quick, knowing wink and hopped back onto the platform, leaving the two of them alone. 

Jeno stood in front of him now and he held out one of the helmets. “Try this.” 

He placed the helmet onto his head and felt the pressure on his skull, the tightness flattening his hair, making the blond stick over his eyes. He brushed it out of his face quickly with his fingers and felt Jeno reach under his chin. He was taken aback for a moment until gentle fingers were fumbling with the strap and he heard the click as Jeno fastened the helmet in place, giving it a light tap on the top, which resonated down Renjun’s spine. 

“Yeah that’s good”, he mumbled as he brought the second leather jacket up from his arm. “You’ll need this too.” 

“Right.” Renjun slipped his arms into the jacket and sighed as the sleeves covered his hands. Jeno reached forward, lifting the leather off his shoulders. 

“It’ll have to do”, he said, letting go so it dropped back. Jeno strode to the bike, slinging a leg over it. “You coming, Blondie?”, he called to Renjun. 

Renjun imitated Jeno’s action, hoisting his leg up and over the seat so he could slot in carefully behind the other. “Now what?” 

“Now you hold on”, Jeno put his own helmet on. 

Renjun brought his hands out of his lap, slipping them cautiously around Jeno’s slim waist. The other didn’t flinch, humming approvingly and starting up the engine, kicking the stand with his foot. He revved it noisily as Renjun squeezed up against his back snugly, already knowing that this was the most exciting thing he had done for years. He watched as the other turned, face the closest it had ever been while his dark eyes held contact with Renjun’s apprehensive ones. 

“Ready?”, Jeno asked. 

Renjun nodded, tightening his grip on Jeno’s waist and he felt the wheels start to move, slowly at first, but building up speed as they left the lights of the carnival behind them. As they crossed the field on a rough track and Jeno curved onto the narrow road that ran through town, Renjun felt a new kind of dizzy, different to the kind he felt on the rides. It was the rush of adrenalin as they leaned into the corners of the winding road and passed the little tourist shops on the high street. He could feel Jeno’s muscles tensing and the wind rushing against his neck, the rest of his body shielded by the broad shoulders in front of him. He smiled secretly. 

“Where now, Renjun?”, Jeno called over the sound of the wind. 

“Follow the road, it leads to the beach”, Renjun shouted back, still smiling as he hugged Jeno closer. 

Jeno accelerated and the bike was thrown forward as they flew along the empty roads, Renjun gasped and clenched his arms more tightly around Jeno. The other laughed as Renjun clung to him. 

As the sensations overwhelmed him, he thought for a moment, that the town might not seem so sleepy anymore, that it had come alive in ways he didn’t think possible. But then Jeno was pulling up next to the empty beach, the bike slowing as the roads came back into focus, and it was still the same shade of drab. Jeno pointed to the ice cream shop on the corner, the one that he and Sooyoung always used to beg their parents to go to when they were children. Renjun smiled at the memory, thinking about how much excitement the old hut had brought them. It had been there for as long as he could remember but he nodded and pulled Jeno inside. 

They returned to the beach with an ice cream each, this time Renjun covering the cost. Leaning against a low wall outside the hut together, his breath caught in his throat as Jeno licked the white cream from around the side of the cone before circling his tongue to catch the toffee sauce dribbled on the top. Their eyes met. 

“What?”, Jeno laughed. 

“Nothing”, Renjun gasped quickly, remembering to breathe again. 

They wandered to the sand and sat next to each other, knees pulled up and touching lightly. Jeno’s stare cast to the shoreline in front of them. 

“The view’s nice”, Jeno stated, looking out across the expanse of the shoreline. 

“It’s not when you see it every day”, Renjun sighed, savouring the raspberry sauce from the side of his ice cream. 

“I don’t have the chance to get used to things like this. Don’t take a view like that for granted.” Jeno turned to Renjun and smirked. “Anyway, maybe you’re just not looking at it with the right person.” 

Renjun shoved Jeno with the elbow of his free arm, ice cream cone still clutched in the other. Jeno laughed as the force pushed him sideways. 

“Okay, _Mr adventure_ ”, Renjun mocked. 

“Not really”, Jeno huffed. “I never get to see any of the places we stop at. I’m just working, my life’s the carnival.” 

Renjun leaned back on the sand and a silence enveloped them, the sound of the crashing waves the only thing that either of them could hear as Renjun silently continued to eat his ice cream. 

“When did you get all those?”, Renjun asked, pointing to the piercings that littered the man’s ear, from the top, to the tragus. 

Jeno brought a hand up to one of them, touching the silver with his finger and smiling. “I’ve collected them over the years, when I was younger, I always wanted to be different”, he traced another one on the lobe of his ear. “I just like them.” 

“And this?”, Renjun began, reaching for the sleeve of Jeno’s shirt and lifting it tentatively to reveal the small dragon tattoo he’d caught a glimpse of the other day. As the sleeve was pulled back this time he saw its full detail, the dragon curled up neatly in dark ink, contrasting sharply with Jeno’s pale skin. 

“Dragons”, Jeno snapped his fingers and pointed mischievously at Renjun. “The most powerful symbol of the zodiac.” 

Renjun laughed lightly. “What about that one?”, he spoke again, pointing at the cross beneath Jeno’s eye. 

“This one?”, Jeno touched his cheekbone and laughed, wiping his thumb across the skin. The black ink smudged away, revealing a tiny mole in its place. “It’s fake”, he finished and Renjun giggled. 

His eyes dropped though, and he went quiet. He could feel Jeno’s own gaze on the side of his face, but he dug his fingers into the golden grains, drawing patterns into the sand. 

“I don’t have anything exciting like that. I’m pretty dull, I think this town wears off on the people that live in it”, he laughed bitterly. 

“You _are_ interesting”, Jeno protested. 

Renjun shrugged his shoulders. “I’m average.” 

Jeno shook his head. “Okay so, you don’t have piercings, or tattoos, but there must be something about you. No one is that pure”, he smirked as he propped himself up on his elbows, one knee bent. “Are you a virgin?” 

Renjun choked on his ice cream. 

“What?”, he spluttered. 

“Have you had sex?”, Jeno said bluntly. 

“Yes.” 

Renjun had had one boyfriend, at the beginning of last year. They’d had sex a couple of times. They tried it once, it had been okay, done it again, and then he’d moved away to the city at the end of the year with his parents, broken everything off with Renjun. He thought it a relief at the time, but after the reality had set in, he’d realised how lonely he really was, that everyone always seemed to be moving away from him, away from this place and leaving him behind. 

“See, you’re not so pure.” 

“All that stuff doesn’t really matter though, life’s dull here. You’re lucky you’re just passing through, Jeno.” Renjun took the last bite of the ice cream cone. “You’re free to go anywhere you want to go and be whoever you want to be.” He placed his hands in his lap. “I’m just Renjun.” 

“And I’m just Jeno.” Jeno dug his palms into the sand to push himself up. “Just Jeno that likes just Renjun a lot.” He picked up both the leather jackets and slung them over his arm along with the helmets. “Come on, let’s go to the water.” 

Renjun hauled himself up hastily and followed, the two stopping by the sea as Jeno set the garments down by the shore. He slipped off his shoes, kicking them to the side and flung his socks down with them, Renjun doing the same and feeling the water hit his bare feet. 

“I always come here when I have nothing else to do”, Renjun said, stepping further into the sea, the water up to his ankles now. Jeno did the same, rolling up the ends of his jeans as far as they would go and treading in the water unsteadily. Renjun held a hand out and he took it, his palm cool against Renjun’s burning one. A wave hit their ankles and splashed the ends of their jeans making Jeno hop on one foot. Just as his laughter was dwindling a larger wave caught his legs, soaking them. 

Renjun let out a loud snort, his laughter resonating as he tossed his head back. Jeno smiled coyly at him, before bending down subtly and scooping his hand in the water, bringing it back up and splashing Renjun in retaliation. The seawater hit his sweater and he gasped, followed by further giggles as he splashed Jeno back by kicking his foot, the droplets soaking Jeno’s forearm. 

Ten minutes later, the two were significantly wetter than when they had entered the water, Renjun feeling completely at ease now in Jeno’s company. 

“What do we do now? My feet are covered in sand”, Jeno whined, picking up his shoes. 

“Yeah, that happens”, Renjun joked. “The café’s open still, we can go and clean up in there.” He nudged Jeno towards a run-down building further along the beach. “I’ll race you there”, Renjun giggled and sped off. Jeno was still dazed but he grabbed their things and stumbled after Renjun. 

“Hey! That’s not fair”, he yelled, but Renjun stuck out his tongue playfully in response. 

\--

“Get back up here, it’s really busy”, Jaemin called as Jeno helped Renjun off the bike. 

“I’m coming”, he shouted as he pulled off his helmet and ran a hand through his messy hair, pushing it off his face. He turned to Renjun. “I’ll take those, thanks”, he gestured and Renjun handed him the leather jacket and helmet back. “You coming on today?”, he motioned to the waltzers. 

“I think I’ve had my fill of that”, Renjun laughed. 

“Thought so”, Jeno teased. “But…”, he trailed off. “Will you be back tomorrow?”, he asked gently. 

“I might be”, Renjun smirked, knowing he couldn’t stay away. 

“I finish at seven, I’ll look out for you”, Jeno said, searching Renjun’s face. 

Renjun looked back into those warm brown eyes and smiled. 

He nodded, losing more of his heart to Jeno. 

“Until tomorrow”, Jeno grinned and bolted away. 

\--

By the fifth day of the carnival, Renjun had given up making excuses about why he was going. 

It was for Jeno. 

He’d been restless all day, and when his manager had asked him what the matter was, he’d simply shaken his head and dismissed the comment. The matter was Jeno though, the carnival boy that Renjun never could quite remove from his thoughts. As he passed from aisle to aisle stacking shelves, he’d be thinking about that red jacket or those black skinny jeans. As he scanned shopping at the till, he’d been retracing those lips or that jawline, finding himself questioning what they might feel like if he could touch them, could trace his finger along the outline, could _kiss_ them. He’d scolded himself, and run home at five, changing into his favourite sweater, pale green, paired with light blue ripped jeans and ruffled his hair so the messy blonde tufts fell into his face. He grabbed a backpack from his bedroom, shoved his cell phone and wallet in it, slung it on his back and told himself he was composed as he made his way out of the front door. 

He felt the coolness of the early evening air fan his face and shivered slightly as he made his way through the familiar gates, the world of colour coming into view as he stepped inside. 

He went straight to the waltzers. 

He couldn’t see Jeno at first, but as his eyes scanned across the ride, he saw the red of the jacket and his stomach did another somersault. Jeno was resting against the side of the control booth, coke in one hand, as he took a large gulp from the can. He beamed when he saw Renjun and pushed himself off the wall. 

“Renjun”, he called, waving a hand in the air. 

“Hi”, Renjun said anxiously as the two came closer, now facing each other in the noisy field. 

For a moment there was silence as Renjun waited expectantly. 

“I just finished work”, Jeno hesitated and for the first time this week, Renjun thought that he might be hearing a trace of nervousness in the other’s voice. “Is there anything you want to do?” 

“Actually, I’d really like you to show me around the carnival properly.” 

“This place?”, Jeno scoffed, gesturing to the bright lights dismissively. “It’s really not that exciting.” 

“Maybe”, Renjun began and leant in closer, holding the straps of his backpack with his fingers. “You’re just not looking at it with the right person”, he grinned. 

Jeno laughed. “Maybe you’re right.” He slammed the empty coke can into the trash. “Come on then.” 

“Are you asking me on a date?” 

“That’s exactly what I’m doing.” 

“Ask me properly then”, Renjun replied. 

Jeno grinned and his face softened, he stared at the floor, bringing his head up again to meet Renjun’s face. “May I take you to the carnival?”, he asked softly. 

Renjun nodded gently. “I’d like that a lot.” 

He saw the relief that crossed Jeno’s face for a passing second and it made him melt. He took the extended hand that the other offered, his small palm fitting perfectly into Jeno’s larger one as the fingers closed around his. Renjun’s heart was beating wildly now, a renewed excitement in the colours of the lights and the glow of the signs. 

“Where first?” 

“There”, Renjun said, bringing the hand that Jeno held up to point towards the large Ferris wheel in the centre of the field. He tugged at the hand, running with Jeno in tow until they stopped in front of the large blue metal structure. The carnival was quiet tonight, there were still a handful of people milling around, but none of the rides had queues. 

The carriages were just wide enough to fit two people in, and Renjun was cramped next to Jeno as they started to rise slowly, more of the rides becoming visible as they got higher, until Renjun could see past the trees, to the beach and the streets of the town he knew. They swayed slightly as they stopped near the top. 

“That’s where I live.” 

Renjun pointed to one of the streets identical to all the ones he could see in his view. “And that’s where I work”, his fingers wavered as they moved along the street, the sign of the store just visible. “It’s a grocery store”, he added, slightly embarrassed, but Jeno was smiling softly, an amused glint in his eyes. He lost himself in their closeness but turned. “And that”, he pointed to a spot on the beach, “is the rock pool I fell into when I was five”, he laughed. “There, you know all about me.” 

“And who said your life was dull?”, Jeno joked. 

He nudged him lightly in the ribs and huffed, Jeno laughing. Renjun was captivated as his lips curved upwards and his cheeks were made rounder by the smile, the expanse of coastline that surrounded them fading as he studied the details in Jeno’s face. The other’s expression faltered then, and he became still as he watched Renjun, neither of them moving, too afraid to ruin the moment they were sharing. The Ferris wheel jolted and threw Renjun against Jeno’s thighs. He leaned in and reached instinctively for the other’s shoulders to steady himself but retracted quickly when their faces became closer. 

“It’s moving”, Renjun squeaked as he sat back in his seat and the wheel carried them back down to the safety of the ground. 

Jeno climbed out first, holding the door open for Renjun to follow and shutting it gently after him. 

“I need to buy you dinner again”, Jeno stated plainly as they continued through the field. 

They’d ended up back by the waltzers, a paper plate of shared nachos laid out in the centre of a wobbly table. The cheese was running messily over the sides and the sauce had been thrown on with little care, the two sitting across from each other in the plastic chairs that were scattered throughout the carnival, but to Renjun, it was the most romantic thing anyone had ever done for him. 

“Want a beer?”, Jeno asked as he lifted another one of the nachos and brought it to his lips. It crunched as he bit down on it. 

“Sure.” 

Renjun watched as Jeno crossed the path to the control booth, pulling open the metal door. He disappeared for a moment but then he was back, clasping two open bottles of beer. He placed one in front of Renjun and took a swig from his own casually. 

Renjun looked at the amber liquid, picking up the bottle. The glass was chilly against the heat of his palm and he brought it up in a gesture, Jeno doing the same as their bottles touched with a gentle clink. They both threw their heads back, gulping down mouthfuls of the drink and laughing when they slammed their empty bottle back down on the table. Renjun could feel the fizz in the back of his throat and hiccupped as it tingled. 

The effects of the alcohol made Renjun giggle, tipsy, just enough to let go and relax a little more. He leaned forward and stretched, making a grab for the last nacho, and swiping it. Jeno pouted as Renjun smiled back cheekily. 

“Come on, there’s a few more things I want to show you”, Jeno said and stood up quickly, taking Renjun by the arm and guiding him past the sign for the waltzers out into the field. 

“Don’t take me on anything that spins.” 

Renjun felt himself being pulled along, his body buzzing from the alcohol and his mind racing from the thoughts of Jeno as he basked in the euphoric feeling of true excitement that he had been deprived of for so many years. 

He stopped suddenly in front of one of the stalls. 

“It’s Moomin!”, he exclaimed, pointing at the array of white plushies strung up in lines across the wooden shelves. “They’re so cute”, he gushed. 

“Those hippos?” 

“They’re not hippos, Jeno”, Renjun frowned. “What do I have to do to win one?”, he asked excitedly. 

“Hit that.” Jeno gestured to the punch bag at the front of the stall and Renjun’s face dropped. 

“Oh.” 

“Try it”, Jeno encouraged but Renjun was still sceptical. 

He handed his money over to the young man that ran the stall anyway and punched the bag as hard as he could, the impact leaving a light sting across his knuckles. It hardly moved. 

“Better luck next time”, the man yawned as Renjun picked his backpack up off the ground and shuffled away sulkily, eyeing the next stall. 

He turned sharply when he heard a loud crash and as he spun around, he saw the man from the stall handing Jeno one of the soft plushies. He swore he could feel his heart bursting, seeing Jeno’s lopsided grin. 

He bounded over to Renjun, stopping in front of him. “Here’s your hippo.” 

“It’s _not_ a hippo.” Renjun took the toy between his hands. 

“Its name is Jeno, by the way”, Jeno added. 

“Jeno?” Renjun put the Moomin up next to Jeno, his eyes flicking between the plushie and Jeno’s face. He shook his head. “I don’t see the resemblance.” 

“Little Jeno then”, the other pouted and Renjun burst out laughing. 

“Okay, _Little Jeno_ ”, he said as he waved the plushie in the air, drawing it into his chest to squeeze it. 

They continued, passing a photobooth that Renjun dragged Jeno into, the glare of the screen making them squint after the darkness of the evening. He tapped the buttons and smiled into the camera as it flashed once. It flashed again and Renjun held up Little Jeno, the Moomin taking up most of that photo. Then he poked Jeno in the ribs who threw his head back laughing, the camera capturing the moment. On the last flash of the camera they both stuck their tongues out playfully and the screen went black as Renjun drew back the curtain, taking the two printed copies of the photographs and placing them carefully in his backpack. 

It was Jeno that had pulled Renjun towards the carousel, its golden carvings lit up brightly. The nostalgic sound of organ music filled the air, in contrast to the heavy bass that blasted from the other rides. Renjun stared at the gilded frame of the carousel as it spun. Endless carved horses leapt from shining brass poles, bright paintwork glossy under layers of varnish, with flying manes and jewelled saddles. 

“That’s for kids”, Renjun whined. 

“Loosen up”, Jeno laughed. “You’re the one holding a cuddly hippo right now.” He jumped onto the ride and turned back. Renjun scowled and threw the Moomin into his backpack, slipping the straps over his shoulders as he clambered up the steps to Jeno. 

“Which one?” Jeno asked. 

“This one”, Renjun replied and swung his leg over a large white horse, Jeno choosing the one next to him. 

Gripping the twisted pole in front of him, he felt the carousel start, picking up speed so the air whipped across his cheeks. He laughed as his horse galloped, the ride turning faster, and he stretched a hand out to meet Jeno’s between them. Jeno’s red jacket matched his horse’s mane and shimmered under the hundreds of brightly lit bulbs adorning the canopy of the ride. The artificial light cast a glow over his features and Renjun had never seen anything so beautiful. Jeno’s face became serious and he looked into Renjun’s eyes, stroking his thumb over the smaller’s gently. Renjun gripped the brass pole tighter in an attempt to calm himself but no amount of holding on was going to stop him falling now. 

When Renjun stepped off the ride, he was dizzy from Jeno. He grabbed his hand and pulled him towards a stand with bags of pink cotton candy, tugging one down and paying for it hastily before they both sat on a nearby bench. He knew the carnival closed in an hour and the remaining customers were beginning to file out of the golden gates, so he needed to make the most of the time he was spending with Jeno. He pulled some of the pink floss out of the bag and stuffed it in his mouth. It melted on his tongue and he swallowed the sugary substance down before pulling more out of the bag and bringing it up to Jeno. The other opened his mouth and Renjun placed the soft sugar onto his tongue. When he tried to retract his hand, he felt the soft graze of Jeno’s teeth playfully biting his finger. He gasped sharply and Jeno laughed, letting go of it. 

“Where to next?”, Renjun stretched out his arms, still buzzing from the rush the contact with Jeno had caused. 

“What about that one?”, Jeno grinned, pointing to the Haunted House behind Renjun. 

Renjun shrugged. “Alright”, he agreed, masking his fear. 

It was dark inside, only the dull glow of a few fake candles guiding the way along the passages. Renjun knew the last strains of the alcohol were wearing off as the anxiety took over his system instead. He guessed Jeno could sense this because in the next second he took Renjun’s hand, clasping it tightly as he drew him past the entrance. 

“Come on, you’ll be fine”, he said. 

It was not fine. At every twist and step through a different passage, Renjun jumped as something new had scared him, a figure in costume or sound from a speaker, his grip on Jeno’s hand tightening. 

“Remind me why we came in here”, he whispered as they crossed another one of the darkened passageways. He could see the exit now and relief began to fill his body as he quickened his steps towards it. 

“Don’t worry, I know all the people here”, Jeno reassured him. “Not scary I promise.” 

Renjun hummed unconvincingly, still maintaining his hold on Jeno’s hand, their palms slightly sweaty against each other, but neither of them seeming to mind. He took more steps forward, aiming for the exit but as they neared, another person jumped out towards them, covered in fake blood and bandages and Renjun screamed. He leapt backwards as the person retreated, stumbling into Jeno’s arms. Jeno caught his waist and held him close, Renjun thinking he would let go as the figure disappeared. He didn’t though and after a moment Renjun looked up. 

He shouldn’t have. 

Met by the sight of Jeno’s dark eyes, he fell further, not out of Jeno’s arms, but leaning into his hold as his stomach fluttered. He saw Jeno through the darkness, even with it, he was caught by his beauty, the beauty that had drawn him in when he first saw him among the rides, the soft skin and pillowy lips. Without thinking, he stood on his tiptoes, leaning to capture them softly, pressing a tiny kiss against Jeno’s mouth. The butterflies in his stomach were let loose from their cage and erupted until they caught in his throat. Jeno smiled at him gently and he leant up and did it again, another innocent kiss at the corner of Jeno’s mouth, giggling softly as he pulled away. 

They heard a loud cough behind them. 

Renjun jumped out of Jeno’s arms, head shooting round to see the bandaged figure that had scared him standing in the darkness, arms folded. 

“Okay, that’s enough, clear out”, they called then paused... “Jeno, is that you?” 

Jeno grabbed Renjun’s hand, pulling him towards the exit and through the doors, out of the Haunted House and into the light. Renjun’s feet stumbled against the uneven ground. The moon was already out, and its glimmer shone over the carnival and onto Jeno’s face in silvery streaks as they whipped through crowds, finding safety behind a large trailer. When they stopped, they both burst out laughing, the sound echoing against the metal. 

“I can’t believe we just did that”, Renjun said suddenly. 

“Can we do it again?” Jeno looked straight into Renjun’s eyes. 

Renjun nodded and Jeno put his hands on Renjun’s face, thumbs resting on his cheekbones as he leant in and recaptured Renjun’s mouth, more passionately this time. Jeno’s lips tasted like the sugary cotton candy they had just been eating, the sweet flavour greeting Renjun’s tongue as he ran it across Jeno’s bottom lip. It was perfect, the way their mouths moved in synchrony, Jeno’s hands still on Renjun’s face and Renjun’s resting on Jeno’s waist. He ran a hand through Renjun’s blonde hair, then along his neck, slipping the backpack with Little Jeno inside off his shoulders so it fell onto the grass. Renjun focused on the burning anticipation that coursed through him as Jeno’s hands travelled to his waist, then up his sweater to graze the soft skin of his stomach. He felt the chill of Jeno’s icy fingers, and it made him feel alive, humming into another kiss as he lost control to the building pleasure. 

He broke away reluctantly, scanning Jeno’s face. It was illuminated softly by the neon lights that crept through the gaps in the trucks, the pounding music now seemingly far away from them. He brought a hand up to it, wiping the cross underneath Jeno’s eye. The black smudged across his face and Renjun rubbed it with his thumb until it was gone. 

“I want to see just Jeno”, he breathed and placed a soft kiss onto the mole in its place. “I like him a lot”, he whispered as their lips met for a drawn-out kiss, Renjun sliding his tongue into Jeno’s mouth and tracing the roof of it lightly. 

Jeno’s hand was still inside Renjun’s sweater as he explored the warm skin, the kisses turning sloppy and messier as they intensified with every new touch. 

Jeno pulled away suddenly. 

“My trailer”, he paused nervously, looking across the field, “is just over there.” He tilted his head to the side and Renjun knew what he was asking, knew he didn’t mean to push, knew he wanted whatever Renjun wanted. 

The softness in his voice made Renjun bite his lip, nodding sincerely at Jeno who carefully picked up the backpack from the grass and slung it over his shoulder. He took Renjun’s hand and softly laced their fingers together. It was intimate, Renjun being led through the stillness, away from the lights and flare of the carnival. The dew had started to settle and sparkle in the grass, the nip of the evening air causing Renjun’s shaky breath to cloud in front of him. The trailers were parked neatly in rows, Jeno eventually stopping outside a small white one at the end of a line and reaching into his jacket pocket to pull out a silvery key. He led Renjun up the steps and pushed the door open. 

The inside of Jeno’s trailer was nothing like the drab of the town, all colour and cluttered surfaces, cramped bed and worn furniture, and Renjun knew that just once, for tonight, he could imagine he was someplace else. That Jeno had swept him off his feet and taken him somewhere far away from the life he knew. Jeno shut the door behind them and peered out the window swiftly before closing the blinds. He turned back to Renjun, kissing him deeply as he opened his mouth for Jeno, hungry for his touches as he was pulled closer to the other’s body. Jeno slipped his satin jacket off and slung it onto the carpet in a heap, revealing a sleeveless vest underneath. His attention never broke from Renjun and he slid his hands back under the smaller’s sweater, this time lifting the fabric above Renjun’s waist, pulling at it gently. 

“Arms up”, he whispered, grinning. 

“Shut up”, Renjun hissed with a soft giggle, but he raised them and Jeno lifted the sweater carefully over his shoulders, throwing it in the pile along with his own jacket. Renjun kissed him, shirtless now as they stumbled backwards towards the bed that filled the back of Jeno’s trailer. 

They stopped at the foot of the bed, Jeno grabbing onto the back of his vest and pulling it over his head to expose the toned muscles of his chest. He cast it aside and Renjun gripped onto his bare shoulders, falling back against the mattress, pulling Jeno on top of him. Their lips met, crashed together fervidly, their chests rising and falling as one. Jeno peppered kisses along Renjun’s neck, the smaller moaning softly. 

“What if someone comes in?”, Renjun asked as Jeno sucked another mark into his soft skin. 

Jeno shook his head. “They’re all working.” He kissed Renjun’s jugular gently, “and this is all mine, no one comes here.” 

All Renjun could muster in response was a loud groan as Jeno trailed kisses to his collarbone, grazing his teeth across it and causing Renjun to throw his head back. He kissed over Renjun’s chest, to his stomach where his lips lingered just above his belly button. Renjun knew he was scrawny, he’d always been small and slender. At any other time, he’d feel embarrassed, but Jeno’s mouth felt too good, and he seemed to enjoy holding Renjun’s tiny waist between his hands as he kissed his skin. 

Jeno unfastened Renjun’s belt buckle, slowly, with care, and then slid down his jeans along with his underwear, leaving him completely exposed. Renjun heard his own breath catch in his throat as he drew in air. 

Jeno looked up, concern in his face. 

Renjun smiled at him. 

Then he dipped down and Renjun registered the warmth of the other’s mouth on him and flung his head back against the pillow, squeezing his eyes shut and gripping the bedsheets, twisting them in his palms as the pleasure built. His breath became heavy as Jeno’s fingers ghosted over his hip and along his thigh in gentle stokes that sent shivers through is body. He gasped at every new sensation as he gave himself to the other. 

Then the heat was gone. 

He opened his eyes when he heard the sound of a drawer opening, knowing exactly where this was leading. When Jeno leaned back, Renjun pulled him down for a soft kiss to let Jeno know this was what he wanted too. 

The rest of that night was a blur of excitement for Renjun, adrenalin pulsing through him; steamed windows, fingernails across Jeno’s shoulder blades and the taste of the other on his tongue. It was the most intoxicated he’d ever been, their gazes burning for each other, Jeno mouthing how beautiful Renjun was as his back arched off the bed. 

“Stay with me tonight”, Jeno whispered, pressing his forehead against Renjun’s. “ _Please_.” 

Renjun nodded and placed his head on Jeno’s chest, the other hugging him tightly. 

Renjun had used his last coherent sense to swipe his phone off the table beside Jeno’s bed. He texted his parents quickly, _he was sleeping at a friend’s house tonight_ , and collapsed in the bed next to Jeno, burying himself in the sheets and curling up. As he pressed up to Jeno, he thought that, even if this was only for tonight, he might finally know what it felt like to be alive. 

\--

On the sixth day, Renjun knew his feelings for Jeno had deepened. 

He shivered when he opened his eyes, cold in Jeno’s thin t-shirt he’d slipped on last night. The bed was cold too, and through the sheets he caught of glimpse of the daylight peeking through the blinds against the cotton. Stretching his arms, the blankets crumpled, and he cast them over his head as he reached for the warmth of Jeno. He was greeted by the chill of the empty mattress. Disappointment seeped through the cracks in his heart. 

_Jeno must have gone to work already._

He laid back down, facing the low ceiling of the trailer, and smiled, remembering how alive he’d felt last night, his mind only filled with Jeno. He retraced each movement, reliving it in his mind and pulling the sheets up over his face. He couldn’t help the short giggle he let out, the sound muffled by the material. 

“You sound happy.” 

Renjun jumped as he threw the sheets down again. Jeno stood by the door, clutching two white paper cups. He was attempting to muffle his laughter with his sleeve, catching Renjun mid-daydream, but closed the door softly behind him and passed through the room towards the bed. 

“I am”, Renjun mumbled. He pouted. “I thought you’d gone though.” 

“I’ve got a few hours before I start. I just went to get us these.” Jeno waved the flimsy cups and the smell of coffee drifted through the air. “I didn’t know what you’d like, so I guessed”, Jeno finished as he stood at the side of the bed. 

“That’s perfect, thank you”, Renjun reassured, eyeing the coffee gratefully. 

“Shove over then”, Jeno laughed, placing the coffee down on a table beside the bed and kicking his shoes off. He fell back as Renjun bunched up the blanket and rolled over to the other side. Jeno wrapped his arms around Renjun’s waist, pulling him in and holding him gently against his chest. 

They stayed that way for a minute or two, Renjun basking in the newly welcomed warmth, but then hunger pangs ripped through his stomach and he became restless. He wriggled out of the hold, Jeno’s hands slipping away reluctantly. Clambering over Jeno’s lap, holding his shoulders for balance, Renjun’s feet finally touched the softness of the carpet as he looked down at the edge of the shirt that met with the skin of his thighs. He pulled it down modestly and walked towards the cupboards. 

“What have you got to eat in here?”, he whined, pulling the first door open and finding a stack of cups and plates. He shut it again. 

“You know”, Jeno called unhelpfully, “bed hair really suits you.” 

Renjun brought a hand up instinctively to the blond mess and flattened the ends that were sticking up. “Thanks.” He clenched his jaw and returned to his search. 

In the end he’d rummaged around and found a half-opened packet of chocolate chip cookies. He sighed, _they’d have to do_. He carried them back to the bed and scrambled over Jeno, placing the packet between them on the sheets. 

“Want one?” He held a cookie out to Jeno. 

“Thanks”, Jeno said, handing a coffee to Renjun in return. 

Renjun sipped at it slowly, the liquid warming the back of his throat as he tasted the bitter caffeine. As he drank the last drops, he put it down and slung his head onto the pillow. He began to stroke up and down Jeno’s forearm lightly, the other silent as Renjun’s fingers danced across his skin, relaxing into the gentle touch. 

“I was thinking about putting some colour in my hair”, Renjun started but Jeno was still glazed, lips parted as Renjun’s strokes continued. 

“Jeno?” 

The other hummed softly, head tilting to the side as he broke out of his trance. “Huh?” 

“I want to change my hair”, Renjun laughed. 

Jeno leant down to press a small kiss against Renjun’s lips. “I think you’ll look good with anything”, he mumbled and ran a hand lightly through the blonde hair, lifting it out of Renjun’s face before it fell into his eyes once more. 

Half an hour later, Renjun picked up his phone. He strained as the brightness hurt his eyes and the home screen came into focus. “Shit, I’ve got work in an hour”, he groaned and sat up. 

Jeno rolled out of the bed and grabbed his shoes. “I’ll drop you at your place if you want”, he said as he picked up the green sweater and the jeans, passing them to Renjun carefully. 

Renjun dressed quickly, and then they were back on Jeno’s motorcycle, Renjun holding the other’s waist as he guided him through the streets, back to reality, away from the trailer. They stopped outside his house, and Renjun handed back the helmet before lifting Jeno’s visor to kiss him hurriedly. 

He bounded up the stairs to his room, changing into the dark green shirt and black trousers of his uniform. He didn’t have time to check his appearance. 

He bolted out of the front door, slamming it shut and running to the grocery store at the end of the road. He was two minutes late and his manager scowled at him as he took his place at the cash register. The day passed uneventfully after that, all the same as the rest here, scanning, and bagging shopping until the late afternoon sun shone through the windows behind him. 

His shift ended at four, and he’d flung himself out from behind the counter, stopping to run to the aisle of dyes and cosmetics. He scanned the array of colours, in the end picking up a box with a soft pastel lavender on the model on the cover. He paid for it quickly, thankful his manager didn’t stop him to ask why exactly he’d been late. 

He left, down the length of the road before he was at his house. His parents were in and he waved at them quickly, telling them he’d be going out again tonight. Then he ran to the bathroom, shaking the box so the bottle of hair dye fell into the sink. 

He’d only applied the colour to the ends of his hair, and after he’d washed it out, he stood in front of the mirror, staring at the purple that mixed with the blond on top. He stopped, his eyes travelling to his neck. He pulled down the high collar of his work shirt, the deep purple marks that Jeno had left behind on his skin from last night becoming visible as he tugged it down further. He pressed the pad of his thumb against one and drew in breath as it stung sharply, sending a wave of excitement bursting through him as he pictured Jeno’s mouth. He snapped himself out of it, dropping his hand and looking at his hair again with a satisfied smile. 

Deciding he quite liked it, he went to his bedroom, throwing open one of the drawers in his dresser and pushing away the contents until his hand hovered over the eyeliner there. He’d bought it a few months ago, thought he’d experiment with it but not quite had the time yet. Now, he dragged it along the bottom lid of his eye, it glided along the waterline, so the edges were filled with the smoky colour. 

He stared into the mirror, blinking a few times, his eyes dark against his face. He shrugged off the uniform, the green soon replaced by a white vest and jeans, and the final piece, a black jacket with sparkles engrained into it. 

He smiled at himself in the mirror and walked away. 

\--

By the time he arrived at the carnival, the sun was starting to set. 

He saw Jeno, working the ride as usual with Jaemin. He stuffed his hands in his jacket pocket and waited for him to notice. Jeno jumped onto one of the carriages, eyes catching Renjun’s as he did. His face lit up and he waved as the ride turned. 

Once it stopped, Jeno stepped off, running down to where Renjun stood by the railings. 

“Well, you look…amazing”, Jeno gawked, stunned eyes fixed on Renjun’s new hair colour. 

Renjun stroked the side of his head, taking a piece of the hair between his fingers. “Thanks.” 

“Nice jacket too.” 

“There’s somewhere I want to go, Jeno”, Renjun blurted out, looking behind him at the late afternoon sun as it was beginning to descend across the sky. He faced Jeno, the rays of warm gold caught across his cheeks. 

“You mean another date?”, Jeno smiled. 

“Yeah”, Renjun nodded. 

“I’ve got twenty minutes left on here, then I’m all yours”, Jeno grinned. 

“I’ll wait.” 

“You can sit in there if you want”, Jeno pointed to the control booth by the side of the ride. “Don’t press anything though”, he shot quickly and Renjun laughed. 

Renjun stepped into the room, watching from afar as Jeno charmed his customers, leaning over them, chatting, and smiling at the right time, just like he had been doing the day they met. His stomach twisted slightly with a feeling he scarcely knew, _jealously_. It sent an uncomfortable pain tightening in his chest, that he might just be another one. He hated the thought, but it had him shuffling in his seat, fiddling with his fingers in his lap as he was forced to watch the sight, just waiting for Jeno to come to him. 

Jeno bounded back over twenty minutes later, just as he had promised, red jacket shining in the evening sun, and when Renjun saw him, he pushed the worries away, preoccupied with the sight. 

“Okay”, Jeno panted. “Where are we heading?” 

“We need the bike again”, Renjun stated. 

“But, where are we going?”, Jeno laughed, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. 

“Let’s get the stuff first, and then I’ll tell you.” 

They walked back together across the field towards Jeno’s trailer, Renjun seeing the bike parked up outside it. When Jeno pushed the door open and Renjun stepped inside, his eyes fell to the bed immediately, the sheets still unmade from that morning where he had laid. His mind flashed back to last night and his eyes found Jeno, who was already looking at him. They smiled softly at each other, Renjun going over and placing a quick kiss against Jeno’s mouth as they shared one thought in unison, the memories. 

Jeno picked up the helmets from a chair next to the bed, throwing a leather jacket across to Renjun. He caught it and slipped it easily over the one he wore already, pulling the leather across his body. 

“Do we need anything else?”, Jeno asked. 

“Nope.” 

Jeno nodded, moving towards the door and down the steps to where the bike was. He sat on, Renjun fitting in behind him. 

“Where to?” He turned as Renjun hugged him tighter. 

“I want to share something with you, look at it with the right person”, Renjun said, muffled by the leather of Jeno’s jacket. 

“What?” 

Renjun lifted his head and sighed. “I want to watch the sunset with you.” 

Jeno’s hand reached for the back of his neck, pulling him in close and kissing him once. He drew away softly, the warmth of his mouth still ghosting over Renjun’s lips. “I didn’t know you were a hopeless romantic”, he chuckled. 

Renjun knew he could lose himself in this feeling forever, but as he glanced up at the darkening sky, he exhaled. “Come on, we’ll miss it.” 

As they drove this time, Renjun felt a sense of connection as he clung to Jeno’s waist, daring to rest his chin on the other’s shoulder as he guided him up the steep hills of the town to the clifftops, the silent ones that Renjun would sometimes go to when he needed to think. They were empty, no one was ever there, he often wondered if people even knew about them, how wonderful the sun setting across the sea looked from such a highpoint. 

Jeno climbed off the bike, breathing the air in deeply, and pulling the helmet off, his hair falling in his face as he glanced over the cliff tops. The grass around them was overgrown and wild flowers bloomed in clusters at their feet. 

“You didn’t say we were going to watch it from the edge of a cliff”, he laughed. 

Renjun came to stand by him, their shoulders almost touching as they watched the view in front of them. 

“It was a surprise”, he smiled. 

“It’s beautiful.” 

They watched the sun as it set across the sky, the rich hues of lilac and gold, hazy as they met with the stillness of the sea’s gentle waves. They seemed to extend forever, the rays, out across the horizon, shimmering onto the beach they had sat on together, the sand capturing silhouettes behind the jagged rocks near the shore. Renjun moved closer to Jeno, resting his head on the other’s shoulder, but Jeno stayed quiet, the two lost in the moment. The silence drew on between them, until Jeno finally broke it. 

“It’s my last day here tomorrow”, he said quietly. Renjun lifted his head from his shoulder. “We’re moving on.” 

Renjun’s heart sunk, shattering into pieces involuntarily. He hadn’t thought about it since the first day of the carnival, he supposed he must have been too blinded by their blossoming romance to remember anything about real life. That Jeno was going to disappear, leave him behind like everyone else did. The wind blew Jeno’s hair, scattering it across his forehead. Renjun peered out at the view too. This time it made him feel small. They were small. The world didn’t care about their short-lived love story. 

“Oh.” He choked. 

He already felt like he’d known Jeno forever. Jeno was the dazzling lights of the carnival that his life had been missing, and he’d lost himself in them. Even after he left, Renjun wasn’t sure he would ever find himself again. He couldn’t look at Jeno, he knew if he did he might burst into tears, an outpour of emotions. Instead he kept his gaze fixed on the sea, the gentle shimmers of light from the sun gleaming off the waves. He knew he was being ridiculous, he’d known Jeno for a week, not even that, but his world was imploding. 

“Off to the next town”, Renjun sniffed and paused. “To the next person.” 

“What?” Jeno looked at him. 

“I’m just another one to you, aren’t I?” He failed at hiding the hurt. “I’m okay with that”, he lied. “I’ve accepted it. Thank you for making my life less dull for a week.” 

Jeno shook his head. “That’s not true at all.” He was hurt. “I know what it looks like, I know you must think that’s the kind of person I am, that I do this all the time.” He paused as his voice wavered. “I’d be lying to you if I said the opportunity wasn’t there, but this is something new.” He searched Renjun’s face. “When I saw you Renjun, I felt something I’ve never felt before. When I look at you now, I still feel it all.” 

For a second, Renjun thought he might want to be just another one of Jeno’s flings, that it would make things easier and help him to rationalise his emotions, ease the sting of him leaving. But as soon as he saw the hurt in Jeno’s eyes, he knew he wasn’t, and it pained him even more. 

“I don’t want you to go”, he confessed, choking back his tears. “I know you have to. I wish I could come with you, I want to travel.” 

“Where?” 

“Anywhere.” 

Jeno let out a gasp of laughter. 

“Even if it was in that little trailer, I want to get away from here, Jeno”, Renjun spoke. 

“You must have travelled before?” 

“Not really.” 

Renjun remembered the last time he left the town, on his eighteenth birthday. His parents had taken him to the city for the weekend. He recalled the feeling of the train rolling out of their little station, the movement, getting away from here. He’d craved it ever since. They hadn’t stayed long, hadn’t seen much, but it was enough to deepen his desire to escape this place. 

“I want to see the world like you see it, with you.” 

“You’d never put up with me”, Jeno smiled sadly. “I’m a mess.” 

“Try me”, Renjun shot back. 

“Don’t you want to go to college?” 

“I thought I did.” Renjun looked at the grass, kicked his feet through it. 

“Don’t throw that away so easily”, Jeno said quietly. 

Renjun saw the sunset again, it was starting to disappear behind the clouds, setting on their relationship. 

“After that then, I want to travel”, he whispered, and it was followed by silence. 

“I want to leave the carnival one day, find a life and settle down, get used to sunsets like this”, Jeno breathed through the air, skimming the horizon with his fingers. 

“We’re dreamers”, Renjun laughed weakly, kicking the grass again. 

“What’s wrong with that?”, Jeno said plainly. 

Renjun didn’t know. 

“We can do it, you know”, Jeno started, “go travelling together if that’s what you want.” 

Renjun scoffed. “I work in a grocery store, and you work at a carnival, how would we even afford something like that?” 

“We’ll find a way”, was all Jeno returned. 

Jeno and him, they were two ends of a spectrum, they wanted what the other had. Renjun thought it would never work out between them, but here they were, defying rationality, creating the spark, and fanning the flames as they hoped. Renjun didn’t want to let that go. 

“Your life is so different to mine.” 

“I know.” Jeno looked down sadly. 

“I love it.” 

“You do?” 

Renjun nodded as Jeno’s head rose. 

“We’ll find a way”, Jeno repeated with real hope this time. “I’ll work extra shifts, save up.” 

Renjun scoffed loudly. 

“Dreams don’t come true if you don’t believe in them, you know”, Jeno said sulkily as he faced Renjun. His eyes lit up again. “Shout it now.” He gestured out across the sky. 

“What?”, Renjun laughed. 

“Shout them, shout your dreams.” 

“I can’t do that”, Renjun said awkwardly, running his hand through the dark roots of his hair. 

“The world need to know about them”, Jeno insisted. “You matter.” 

Renjun shoved his hands into his pockets, taking a step forward slowly and glancing back at Jeno before facing out to sea. 

“ _I feel so alive!_ ”, he yelled, the echo bouncing off the cliff as he cast his head back and laughed loudly. He looked around, Jeno was smiling at him and he turned back to the view. 

“ _I want to see the world!_ ” He shouted even louder this time, into oblivion, watching as the waves crashed against the sandy shores of the empty beach. 

He looked back at Jeno, gesturing him forward. Jeno slotted his hand into Renjun’s and stepped closer. 

“What’s your dream?” 

“I want to make you happy”, Jeno whispered. 

“You didn’t shout it”, Renjun said, lost for words as he felt his heart breaking. 

“I didn’t need to.” Jeno shook his head. “Everything I want is right here.” He stopped, still holding Renjun’s hand. “I get time off, I can come back, I’ll bring my bike, and we can watch the sun set like this every evening, and get ice cream, and sit on the beach”, he rushed. “I just want to spend more time with you, to know everything about you.” 

“I’d like that”, Renjun smiled and Jeno pulled at his hand gently, guiding him towards the grass further away from the edge of the cliff. 

They sat down next to each other among the wild flowers as the last of the sunset spread across the sky. 

“Your hair matches the sunset”, Jeno murmured, taking Renjun’s face between his hands and stroking the skin of his cheeks. “I love it.” 

There was a drawn out pause as Renjun looked at Jeno’s face, trying to memorise the creases and the details in it, the curves, and the soft eyes. Jeno’s hands dropped from his face, into his lap and Renjun leaned forward, softly brushing his lips over the piercings on Jeno’s ear, across to his temple and to the one on his eyebrow, tracing the metal with his finger and then the soft skin around it. 

“What are you doing?”, Jeno laughed softly. 

“Trying to memorise what you feel like”, Renjun drawled and his lips were moving down again. 

Renjun wasn’t sure if what he felt for Jeno was love, after all it had only been a week and he’d never really felt love towards anyone to know what the feeling was like. Then again, he’d never felt the way he felt about Jeno with anybody else. All the thoughts were too complicated to ponder when Jeno’s mouth was this close and so he pushed them away for now, capturing the lips and being met instantly with their warmth. As he slipped into Jeno’s lap, he secured himself over the other’s legs and threaded his fingers into his hair, tugging it backwards to deepen the kiss, he could feel the wind beating against their cheeks, the prickly grass under his knees. None of it mattered though, he didn’t care. 

The last of the sun set behind them and the sky darkened, but renjun didn’t mind. He’d wait for the sun to rise again. After all, they still had tomorrow. He kissed Jeno harder, Jeno holding him protectively as if his life depended on it. 

The ride back was quiet and as they arrived at Renjun’s house, he didn’t want to leave. Reluctantly, he climbed off the bike and kissed Jeno. 

“Until tomorrow”, Jeno murmured against his lips. 

\--

On the morning of the seventh day, Renjun woke up late. 

He’d slept through three alarms and when his eyes had finally shot open, he realised that he needed to get up, get to the carnival, but there was something else he had to do first. 

His bag was still packed from the night he’d spent with Jeno. He ran sleepily over to it, undoing the zip and pulling out the photos they’d taken that night. He slipped one back into the bag and took the other to his desk, throwing open one of the drawers and pulling out some glossy red paper. He opened another drawer and took out a frame. The picture inside was of him and a friend from high school, which he removed carefully and placed back in the drawer. _He could buy another frame for that._

Instead, he placed the one of him and Jeno carefully against the glass and slid the cover over it. He pressed the metal edge down to secure it before glancing at the front and deciding it was straight. He took it back to his desk and wrapped the paper around it, taping the edges together and placing the parcel back in his backpack which he slung on his back after pulling on a blue t-shirt and jeans. 

It was hot outside, the hottest it had been all week, and Renjun felt himself sweating slightly as he retraced the path to where the carnival had been. 

When he stepped through the gates, he was met by the sight of a few trucks pulling away, slipping out of the field, filled with dismantled rides, and he panicked, afraid he’d missed Jeno. 

“Shit”, he mumbled under his breath. 

He ran faster, to where he knew the waltzers were, relieved to see that there was still some of it there. Fragmented pieces of metal and empty carriages. He scanned across the crowds of workers, searching for Jeno. 

He saw him. 

He stood opposite Jaemin, the two lifting a panel with metal rivets, up onto the back of a truck. Jeno wasn’t wearing his carnival outfit today, dressed plainly in a white vest and faded blue baggy jeans with large black boots. Renjun could see the tiny dragon tattoo on his wrist, and the sun’s heat had caused a slight sweat to gather across his brow which he wiped away with his forearm. He hadn’t seen Renjun yet but Jaemin’s gaze caught his own. Then he was saying something quietly to Jeno nodding in his direction. 

Jeno spun round. 

“I’ll be back in a minute”, he said to Jaemin, dropping one of the panels to the ground and running across the field towards Renjun. 

“I thought you weren’t going to come”, he called as he got closer. 

“I thought you were gone”, Renjun spoke in a small voice, the relief still washing over him. 

“No”, they both said at the same time, laughing at their synchronised speech. 

“How long have you got?”, Renjun asked, smile dropping from his face as it was replaced by sadness. 

Jeno opened his phone. “Half an hour before we move out.” 

Renjun’s heart ached again. He’d tried to prepare himself last night for the reality that this day would bring, barely slept, but it hadn’t helped, and having thirty minutes with Jeno, reinforced how little time he really had left to live in this fantasy. 

“Come on”, Jeno started. “Let’s go there”, he said, gesturing to the control booth. “That’s the last thing to go on the truck.” 

They walked silently up to it, Jeno entering first and Renjun following behind him. He sat on the floor, up against the wall as Jeno went to fridge and pulled open the door. 

“Only one left”, he sighed, deflated as he held up a can of coke. 

“That’s fine”, Renjun attempted feebly and then Jeno was joining him on the floor, his knees pulled up to his chest as he heard the can click open. 

Jeno took a sip. “Here”, he said, handing it to Renjun. He drank and passed it back to Jeno, sighing. 

“I’ve got something for you”, Renjun spoke as he reached into his bag, pulled out the red package and thrust it in Jeno’s direction. 

Jeno put the coke can down on the wooden floor, taking the gift. Pulling off the paper, he glanced questioningly at Renjun, the frame face down. He flipped it over and was met by his own smiling face, next to Renjun’s, the carnival lights shining on them. 

“I almost forgot we took this”, Jeno stuttered and smiled. His eyes were full of sadness though. 

“I wanted to make it look nice.” 

“Thank you”, Jeno whispered, placing the frame down carefully next to his knees, and pulling Renjun’s face closer. 

Renjun felt Jeno’s lips meet his, softly, the touch lingering across them slowly as if he didn’t want to let go. He felt a hand on the back of his neck as Jeno drew him in closer, his lips still pressed gently, savouring every soft crevice of Renjun’s mouth he hadn’t found yet. 

It was tender, and when Jeno pulled away, Renjun swore he saw the faint glisten of tears in Jeno’s eyes. 

Jeno laughed weakly. “What have you done to me?”, he joked as he bit back his tears. 

Renjun tried to speak, but he choked on his own tears, biting his bottom lip to try to suppress them, but one fell from the corner of his eye, sliding down his face. 

“You too?”, Jeno asked softly as he wiped Renjun’s tear away with his thumb. “Don’t be sad Blondie”, he whispered. “We’ve got lots more sunsets to see together.” 

Renjun nodded, sniffing as he buried his head into Jeno’s shoulder. The other pulled him in the rest of the way, into a warm embrace, his fingers stroking the back of Renjun’s head tenderly, cradling it into the crook of his neck. The other hand slid down his back, resting on the curve of his hip as Renjun put a hand around Jeno’s waist. 

They held each other like that, Renjun’s hair soft against Jeno’s chin and it seemed like time didn’t exist. It did though, and as the minutes flew past he knew it was running out for them. 

“It’s not another _until tomorrow_ ”, Renjun whispered sadly into Jeno’s shoulder. 

“No”, Jeno said as Renjun lifted his head and looked at him. “It’s a _see you later_.” 

“Where is this going to go?”, Renjun asked as he searched Jeno’s face for the truth. 

“Wherever we want it to”, Jeno breathed. “Give me your phone.” 

Renjun pulled it out of his pocket, handing it to Jeno. 

He pressed a few buttons and he heard the soft ring of Jeno’s phone resonate. Jeno pulled it out of his back pocket. 

“What?” 

“There, now I have your number.” He smiled down at Renjun’s phone. “And you have mine.” 

Renjun laughed as he kissed Jeno again. 

The next fifteen minutes were a blur, Jeno had been called back outside by Jaemin, Renjun standing aside as they packed up, the control booth finally loaded into the truck. One by one, people began to drive away, all the trucks disappeared, until it was just Renjun, Jeno and the motorcycle. 

He leant forward and placed his hands on the leather of Jeno’s jacket, kissing him a final time before retracting. 

“See you later”, Jeno winked as he readied his engine, sliding on his helmet. 

Renjun watched him drive off, giving a small wave. 

The field was now empty where the carnival had been, and his tears threatened to fall again. 

He opened his phone, scrolling down through the contacts until his eyes stopped on the one Jeno had added. He read the name he had saved himself as. 

_‘Just Jeno’_

He smiled. 

\--

Renjun looked across at the sunset, the rays golden on the beach as he dug his toes into the sand, waves lapping at his ankles. 

It had been a week since Jeno left. Everything had gone back to normal in the town, the carnival had already been forgotten by most. Renjun’s life was _almost_ the same, the store and the late-night walks along the pier. Everything was ordinary, except his thoughts, the mind that raced with longing for the carnival boy. 

He hadn’t heard anything yet from Jeno, he supposed he must have been busy. All he knew was that he didn’t want to be the person that sent the text that would be ignored, so he was waiting. 

“Renjun?”, Sooyoung called. They’d gone to the beach today. 

“Huh?” 

“You’re always daydreaming.” 

“Sorry.” 

She huffed, standing next to him as they watched the sun setting across the sky. 

“Remember how exciting it all was here last week”, she continued, glancing around the beach to the path that had taken him to Jeno. 

“The carnival”, Renjun said quietly, nodding. 

“The boy with the blue hair”, she sighed. “I wish I’d spoken to him properly.” 

“You’re sixteen Sooyoung, you’ve got lots of time for all that”, Renjun laughed. 

She paused, looking at Renjun this time. 

“Did anything ever happen with you and that other boy? The one from the ride.” 

Renjun felt the pang in his heart as she brought up Jeno but was warmed as the memories flooded back. 

“Nothing”, he smiled. 

“You’re lying to me”, she stated, flicking water at him. “It did, didn’t it?” 

“You’re too young to understand”, Renjun remarked, pulling a face at her. She splashed him with water again and they both burst out laughing. 

They trudged back to Sooyoung’s and Renjun stopped to say goodbye as she left him. Then he turned, retracing his steps past the beach and through the clearing in the trees that led to the field. He knew the spot where Jeno’s trailer had been and he stood in the grass, the tracks of the wheels still indented in the mud. 

It brought every feeling back to him, even though it had only been a week since it all happened, staring around the empty field it all felt so far away. He slid his backpack off, taking Little Jeno out of it. He knew he was too old to be carrying around soft toys, but he wanted to remember everything from the night that had changed his life forever, take it all in for the first time since it happened. 

It was too quiet now, the empty space. He looked down at the cheaply made plushie Jeno had won him, knowing he would treasure it forever. He saw the emptiness around him, deciding it wouldn’t be good to stay for too long. It hurt too much. 

Instead he took the path back home. He kept hoping Jeno might message, but he was getting tired of checking his phone. He slammed the door behind him and trudged upstairs to his room, throwing himself down onto his bed defeatedly, bag still on his back. 

From here he could see the matching photo of him and Jeno he’d pinned up beside his bed. He smiled at it, at both of them, closing his eyes to be met with the darkness. But then he was there again, with Jeno, holding his hand innocently at the carnival, the photograph coming alive inside his head as a memory. 

He was broken out of his thoughts by the sound of his phone as it buzzed loudly beside him, grabbing it he swiped the screen. He read the message carefully, his heart racing wildly, and threw his head back against the bed, his eyes filling with tears of happiness. 

_Just Jeno: I miss you Blondie, are you free next week? Let’s have an adventure._

It was then that Renjun realised his life had only just begun. He could look forward to watching the sunset of all the tomorrows that stretched out in front of him, with the right person. 

**Author's Note:**

> ahhhh hello! Thank you for reading this if you are here, it means a lot <3 I said I wanted to try a bad boy jeno concept after the ridin' mv came out (although i'm pretty sure he end up softer than renjun in the end oops) but this is my attempt! I hope it was okay!
> 
> It was meant to be light and fun, but knowing myself i couldn't help but sprinkle some emotions in there too hehe. 
> 
> self promo again but my twitter is **@renjunfairydust** if anyone would like to be friends on there I would love it!
> 
> Again, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated as they melt my heart, and thank you so much for reading! ❤（っ＾▿＾）


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